Abuse

 Abuse will always be abuse.

As a survivor I guess I have picked and chosen what abuse I’ll tolerate and what abuse i won’t. I no longer accept black eyes, or being raped. But last NUGHT on Christmas Eve of all times… I realized I’ll still take abuse. I’ll still allow someone who says they love me to hurt me. Ans then I’ll sit thinking how I can fix it or how I can do better. But… i didn’t do anything to really deserve I’ll treatment. 

I’ve gotten out of abusive relationship after abuse relationship, just to get into another one with a slightly less abusive streak then the last, but somehow each time ruins me more. 

40 Ans I’ve never known love that didn’t physically hurt me, or use me for sex. That included my parents who trafficked me. 

This cycle sucks!!