Nothing

 I want to feel nothing yet I’m stuck feeling everything, when I or we with mental health issues say we feel everything it’s not just a flipping statement. We feel the jealous of a dog being touched and wanted over yourself. We feel the anger and jealousy of others ability to be happy. We feel the worthlessness of all the world on our shoulders. We crave it to stop even if it means no longer being. 

The craving

 I am bipolar type1, borderline personality, complex ptsd, depression diagnosed at 8 and long term anxiety! 

Today and for the last few days it’s been hard to even wanna love. I have so many dark thoughts I cannot even control them. I’d imagine I should be commuted but, someone who have to pay attention to me to do that. 

I feel so lonely all the time even when I’m in a room full of people. 

I crave death, I have sense I was little. I dream of the ways I’ll day, i always think about when or how, how I could do it! Maybe if he lucky someone else would take me